Stock Market Savant Pillows

Past Performance in No Guarantee of Future Results.

'Don't worry about it. You're buying compulsion is perfectly normal.'

'If this is such a healthy correction, why do you look so sick?'

"I believe the appropriate financial term is 'topsy turvey'."

'US stocks dropped on news of more people buying cheap goods from China...'

'Get me some shares in public opinion.'

'Gifts? I didn't want gifts. I want growth stocks!'

"Today stocks rose on the news that 'down' is a temporary state of mind."

"My nephew is into futures trading."

Economy Crutch - 'Not to worry dear friends....I make these in a little shop in my basement.'

Stock Market - "Yes, this is the Managed Funds Dept."

'In the belief that no news is good news, today's financial report has been cancelled.'

Jake was a hedge fun manager in the city.

"The stocks rally wavered on news Janet Yellen sounded greenspanish."

'Can Mr. Sloan call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

'Tech stocks performed better today after the market was defragged.'

'He must be a bullish trader, I could tell by the ring in his nose.'

'My finanial advisor has an office...'

'My new investment counselor keeps referring to my stock portfolio as 'a financial aneurism waiting to happen'.'

'Simmons is our expert in oil stocks.'

'The Banks are keen to tap into your expertise.'

'For goodness sake, you can't let the markets decide everything.'

'I owe it all to my master who paper-trained me with the Wall Street Journal.'

'Media stocks rose on news that Warren Buffett, a real smart feller, brought the Omaha World-Herald.'

Financial Cloud Nine.

"Subtracting net cash brings the P/E down to 47, and, finally, crossing out the 4 brings it down to a very reasonable P/E of 7."

"Today big pharma stocks rose on news 'down' is a state of mind that can be treated by pharmaceuticals."

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

Late Stage Capitalism and the Biosphere Engage in Some Meaningful Dialogue...

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

Will work for ETFs

'Gentlemen, we need a slogan!'