Shareholder Advocate Gifts

'I can remember when banks competed for customers...Now its shareholders.'

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

'Loved your bit on market share, Felton - perfect blend of plausibility and outright deception.'

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

"In a further effort to increase profits, control costs and satisfy shareholders, we've decided to steal stuff."

'If we have only fractional ownership, it's not a private jet anymore, is it?'

Shareholders Meeting: 'Mr Kenny will now take friendly fire from the audience.'

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

"The only good news this year, gentlemen, is our massive bonuses."

Annual Stockholders' Meeting: Take some tissues.

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

'Hi, I'm the ghost of your past, present and future stock portfolio!'

"...That's agreed then, we raise our salaries by 40%..."

'That concludes the annual report, I will now fend off questions from the stockholders.'

'Sorry, folks! The CEO and Board of Directors didn't show up.'

"And, if elected, I promise to put more black people in cartoons."

"Remember, when they go low... we observe shareholder value and act accordingly."

Would anybody else like to ask a question before the stewards get to them?

"Okay, it if makes you feel better...yes, I have stock in a banana company."

'Remember Nitro, keep the engine running and once we've bagged the bonus cheques you floor the peddle.'

"You don't see much in the way of rioting and looting when an unarmed white man is killed by the police."

'The bad news is that we're only in it for the money.'

Dear (some of) my fellow lefties. . . shut up and get the hell off my side.

'You realize, of course, that that's the fifth 25 stake we've now sold in our entertainment division.'

'What do you mean, you want a coffee break?!'

Handled all of my own investments

'Great, and I'll also need some mirrors.'

"We want a management buy out - if you'll lend us the money."

"I, too, hate being a greedy bastard, but we have a responsibility to our shareholders."

"About the shareholders meeting, ….Have Hayward update me on the smoke and Crampton brief me on the mirrors."

"Well now that you all have put in your 2p, I'd like to put in my 52%"