Seven Suitor Collector T-Shirts

"You're telling me I should leave the artists' commune that saved me from my stepmother's tyrannical elitism, where I have seven boyfriends, to become the impotent figurehead of another unjust power structure?"

'C'mon get it straight.'

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

Handbag store - "Perfect."

Pashminas are sooo noughties!

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

The Pencil and Sharpener

"Time for bed, guys."

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

"Can that be right?"

"You're fired, Withron. I got a terrific deal on a handful of ballpoints."

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

Santa's wash day.

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

"I'll throw in a few extra pinstripes."

Football supporters.

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

Utility Chic.

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"

"Most of my consumerism is self-taught."

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

Chicken Road Crossing

Hip hop Santa.

"It's a flip phone. I guess we can document this as an ancient, archaeological discovery."

Acme Corp - In business since 1927 BG. 'The 'BG' stands for 'Before Greenspan'.'

"I wonder what this was for."

'That's the last frivolous law suit I want to see any lawyer wearing in this court!'

'How old is this vase?'

Pianist.

Don't you like it, Dad?