Settling An Alimony Agreement T-Shirts

'Three weeks of brutal alimony negotiations, Polly, and you settle for a cracker!'

'I'd like your permission to enter into pre-nuptial negotiations...'

'According to your pre-nuptial agreement. If you divorce her, you'll turn back into a frog.'

"Before I say, I do. Just let me run those vows past my best lawyer."

'Brad and his prenuptial attorneys swept me off my feet!'

"I'm at that awkward stage between credit card payments and alimony payments."

"I hope you love me for my money, not for who I am."

'You use Romance Languages when wooing your beloved and Hate Languages during the prenup process.'

'Darling, how romantic...a pre-nup.'

"My wife, my best friend and our prenup!"

"May I remind you that our prenuptial agreement called for me to take the plants?"

'So who gets the apple tree and who gets the fig leaves?' 'The First Prenuptial Agreement.'

"Now, according to this agreement, his problems will be your problems, and your problems will be your problems."

Bartender: 'Rough day, huh?'Man: 'I'll say. My ex-wife just sued the pants off me.'

'Hell hath no furry like the lawyer of a woman scorned.'

"What would I suggest for a woman who has everything...a prenup!"

After Mr and Mrs Tooth and Nail you've got the Hammer and Tongs.

'This next song is for my ex-wife, because she owns it and collects all the royalties.'

'...and to his son, he has left his leprosy...'

"Well, at least you don't have to worry about inheritance tax."

"Or you could just give me half your stuff now and save us all the trouble."

'Progress. Your prenup process is down to two boxes of tissue a day.'

"Let's remain open to closing as we are close to the opening."

'See, it's right here in the prenup. Just because I rise, it doesn't necessarily mean I have to shine.'

'Here's where your father geocached your inheritance.'

Bradbury, Cavalli, Lennon & Kleiner: Her Lawyers

'According to this pre-nup, if I marry you I have to wait 24 months to upgrade.'

"He decided to become a divorce lawyer!"

Solicitor tells divorcing couple: 'You must see that 'I'll have the bricks and she can have the mortar' is not very helpful,'

attorney at law

'Since they divorced I'm living with my mom, but every other weekend my dad is entitled to take me for a walk.'

'It's the Executor of my Grandfathers will - I've been cut off without a scent.'

'I hope you realize, Madelaine, that you're in violaton of section G, paragraph 3a, of our prenuptial agreement.'

'He's gone. Call the auctioneer.'

'I'm having a hard-time unwinding during the prenup process.'