Settlement Strategist T-Shirts

Lawyer: 'She got the house, he got the money, and somehow, I ended up with the kid.'

'To be fair, I didn't say I was good, I said I was expensive.'

"She's just waiting for him to be worth divorcing."

"You've just got a set of clubs for your husband? I'd call that a good exchange!"

'Before I tell you the amount they are offering to settle, please sign this form freeing me from any liabilty for your health.'

'She got the house, the car, AND a tobacco settlement!'

"Walter? Tim here. Right. . . yeah. . . we got your settlement offer and I'm putting together our response right now."

'We're gonna need a bigger moat...!'

"I AM at my usual position."

'Okay...3.5 billion in stock, 2.5 billion in cash, 80 million in deferred compensation, my own private jet, a luxury car lease for the next ten years, 3 club memberships and...

'Call the boss! We're in trouble!'

"Hurry up with that dictionary!"

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

"May I remind you that we can always go with duck eggs."

Moving in

"You're right -- this town is big enough for the both of us."

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

When cockroaches go unchecked.

'...'Fire the coach'...'Fire the coach'...'Fire the coach'...'

'So far we're holding off overseas competition.'

'We can't cut entitlements for federal employees. We're federal employees.'

'What makes you think we want to sell you son.'

Punishment for the kicker.

'I've decided to skip my senior year and go directly into an endless cycle of unrealistic expectations and failure.'

"I like to stay on top of things."

'Someday, son, 50 of this will belong to your ex-wife,'

"Excellent! It's the disclosure documents for your hearing on Monday."

'We can mortgage your future for a very attractive low interest rate.'

'What say we set aside all our petty grievances and just hate each other on general principles.'

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'

"Before you ask for a raise, I need you to be aware I've got a map of your brain on my mobile."

'I'd like to sue my way to success.'

Barrister pointing out dozing judge to the jury

Law school: 'Repeat after me, class 'sue 'em first, or be sued!'