Service Manager Pillows

'The good news is, we've got 100 percent less complaints. The bad news is, we've lost all our customers.'

'No, we don't take complaints, we SELL complaints.. If the sign said POPCORN, you wouldn't try to GIVE me popcorn, would you?'

'Of course I care, madam!'

'... Service your gas fire?... Certainly, I can not bother turning up this Tuesday morning, if that's convenient.'

"I hope you don't mind waiting, all the staff are on a 'customer care' course."

'Okay, we've got 1 CEO, 4 assistant directors, 7 department managers, 3 IT-managers, 2 marketing directors, 3 personnel managers and 2 service managers. Now we just have to find out what we want to produce.'

'...And another 10 things I hate about my job...'

"Please take a moment to rate our service. And considering these crazy times, do you really think we could do better? Eh? Do you???"

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

Or as I prefer to call it, the 'feel-good' factor.

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

At first I thought it was just coincidence, but then I realized it corresponded directly to your shift.

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

Sales chart is buildings in background.

Annual profits,

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

"Actual results indicate that the statistical analysis of the data which projections were based on may have been wrong."

Robots In The Boardroom

"Quit stalling, Smithers. Where's the SALES chart?"

"You can all unroll yourselves now. We're heading back up."

Company sales forecast mirrors the weather

'Dammit - how do we get in on that gross national product?'

"Does anyone here have a clue what it is we used to get?"

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

Shop struggles to sell books about recession: '90 per cent off on all credit crunch books' (Titles incluude: Beat the Crunch! Who's to Blame? We're all Doomed!)

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

"This is our soft opening."

'Pretty strange term, market share, considering the whole object is not to.'