Service Industry Navigator T-Shirts

Complaints clerk to consumer: A hair in your TV dinner? Maybe it belongs to a celebrity!

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

"So, you want me to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get you a menu...? Couldn't I just give you a link to our, online menu?!"

"Here's something extra to cover his lousy tip. Blame his fifth grade math teacher."

'The customer is always right...'

"I'm working part time, but I'm hoping that once I finish my master's they'll up my hours to full time."

Made in China.

"Be careful, this plate is… never mind."

Maps to all the corporate trap doors for sale here!

"Your confirmation number is 7913842461. To hear this information again press 1."

"This robot barista is so authentic it even got my name wrong."

Lunch-Hour Highlights

'I've survived here by always maintaining my honesty, integrity, and plausible deniability.'

"To hear the sounds of the seas press 1, for all other options, or, to speak with a customer advisor, please press 2."

"Isn't it enough we tip well? Must we also like him on Facebook and follow him on Twitter?"

'While on hold, press #1 for classical music. Press #2 for rock music. Press #3 for country music. Press #4 for...'

"Hello, my name is Eddie and I will be your customer tonight."

"We ran out of the little umbrellas."

'Got to give it to him - He knows how to leave gracefully.'

'You're overqualified... so you'll have to act stupid.!

Ben Bernanke says no recession yet.

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

How to become the perfect waiter. Lesson 83.

'We are not responsible for any coats that might fit a member of staff.'

"I know it's hard to shift gears coming here from your day job as an editor, but the customers don’t like their drinks watered down."

We Offer Fast, Friendly Or Quality Service! "So, which one do you want?"

'Our compliments to the dishwasher.'

Top four least favorite summer camps of 2008.

'We're well known for serving only the freshest mineral water, Madame.'

A Menu Board Lists The True Costs Of Lunch

"This one to your liking, sir?"

Writer, waiter, writer, waiter.

"Can you come by Table Seven? They have some edits for the chicken."

'Do you want someone to help you or do you just want someone to hold your hand?'

'I think the party at table no. 2 wants his check.'