Sermon Skeptic Pillows

'In compliance with Federal full-disclosure laws, I'm required to tell you that I'm really not all that sure about some of this stuff.'

Thoughts and Prayers

"OK, so you've told us what God thinks... but now I'd like to know what YOU think!"

'The vicar's sermon is running late again!'

'I think it refers to the Olympic Motto, not, unfortunately to his actual sermon.'

'I'd like to see him try and save on my salary.'

'I know that it's the last episode, but there IS a repeat on Tuesday!'

Priest to congregation, "I'm no different to you just because I wear a dog collar."

"If there were really a God, trees would come with outlets and wifi hubs."

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

"I'm going to tell them our number one way to be stress-free is taking a day off to go fishing."

"Sure, it's Good News, but is it fake news?"

"Finally, a succinct corporate mission statement."

10 Commandments in the Supreme Court (USA)

"I understand the allure of religion. It offers hope in a world that's often cruel and unfair. But religion's promises have been consistently proven false. Science, on the other hand, has actually delivered the things that improve human life...."

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

"I may have wasted my life, but at least I don't look stupid."

"Dont believe anything those guys have told you. None of it. It's all B.S."

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

'If asked, we should all agree that this seminar never happened.'

"Anyway, it turned out that god was a ruddy algorithm after all!"

'I hope there's something better on the 'other side'!..'

Why not get God's fax number, and just fax him my prayer?

Holy Roller Church: We accept all denominations, but we are especially fond of $20, $50, $100, & $500...

"Eventually the leaders of every religion say 'We spoke to God and he wants you to give us money.' ...Every. Single. One."

'It may look that way... But actually, I'm an atheist

"Nothing is as it seems, my son."

'But how could me speaking at the Secret New Products Seminar break our Confidentiality Agreement?'

"and what are you giving up for lent, Reverend?" "Religion"

"Do I look like a wise man to you?"

'Do I ever wonder about a higher power? No, I wonder what's on TV.'

'How do we know YOU'RE not bearing false witness?'

'This one contains the commandments that will make people ENJOY life! Ha ha, just kidding.'