Sermon Critics Prints

Bingo Addicts...

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

How's my sermon. . .

"...and in conclusion..."

'That's GRAVEN images, not GRAVY images.'

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

Angry vicar wakes up parishioner at the Harvest Festival

"It was a little preachy."

How's my Sermon . . .

The Pope

'Nice show but you could use some cartoons.'

"Pastor, since you refuse to respond to my emails I decided to print off a list of all my objections to your messages."

Chruch member about preacher: 'Pastor Woodsley has old fashioned power point.'

"I think it's the company logo."

"Never go to a church during a hurricane. They only provide shelter from taxes."

Our busy Sundays are Christmas, Easter and hurricane season.

'Just remember to get your punch lines in before they fall asleep.'

Pastor of Muppets

"Before I start today's sermon let's take 5 minutes to view the highlights reel from the last 3 Sundays..."

'The Bishop called - he'd like to see a copy of that sermon you gave last Sunday.'

Man in church sees sign: Thank you for not yawning.

"I'm not hanging up until I find the person who listed my sermons under 'Double Dutch'"

"After last week's incident, I'd like to talk about one of the lesser-known Commandments - Thou Shalt Not Heckle."

'Last week's sermon was supposed to be about Plagues, but I got the flu.'

"After the Great Seagull Reincarnation, we'll spend eternity stealing sandwiches and defecating as we please."

"You realise that the job involves Sunday work?"

REALLY boring sermons

Martin Luther.

"Is there a section at the bottom for comments?"

Tax and Sin...

First Church: Sunday's Topic - Thou Shalt Not Blog Against Thy Neighbour.'

'Sermon - if he wanted us to eat genetically-modified food, h would have modified them himself.'