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What are you in the mood to get confused watching tonight?

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

Moses on the web

"The batteries in his TV remote died. The shock of not being able to use it for two minutes has put him in a temporary state of shock."

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

"For the last time, I’m not Bigfoot — I’m Larry from Vermont!"

Stop! Stop what? Do not change the channel! Sex, death, harrowing footage of the most remarkable story you've ever seen, tattoos, rock-n-roll, action, action, action! It's all coming right up, right after this five second break for station identification. Five seconds ... You're watching Rock Television. And now back to our ... bored. Welcome to ABC. We've got thrills, action, more thrills ... Click. I've got your action right here. We've created a monster. Click click click click click cl-

'It's nothing serious. Rest is the best cure for binge shopping.'

TV-Man

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

Baby on board.

"You've got computer-breath."

'Me? Dislocated thumb from switching channels to catch all the Olympic events. . .'

Alien uses astronaut's visor as TV to watch news.

'You don't want weather? Not a problem! How about sports, or maybe a nice movie? We can do that! Just put that thing down and let's talk, OK?'

'This seashell does not sound like the ocean... It sounds like someone yelling 'Look out!''

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

Jesus sighted walking off Malibu

It's only a remote, dear...if you want better programs you will need a wand.

How I met your mother

'Now ask yourself Gerald, do we really need ALL these channels?'

"Dow's up!"

'...And as suburban sprawl continues to grow, many people are finding themselves living uncomfortably close to their wildlife neighbors.'

'He gets confused switching channels between the World series and NFL games.'

Surfing kangaroo #1 Hawaiian shirt.

'Another nice wave.'

'The trick to scaring surfers is to only show your dorsal fin when you surface next to them...'

'No surf?'

Remote control wars.

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!

"Should be back soon. He's just out catching a few x-rays."

"I never saw 'Cheers,' so I won't miss 'Cheers.'"

'She got all the soap opera channels at a discount -- it's some kind of 'frequent cryer' program.'

Sex Section in the Library

"We interrupt this rubbish to give you another chance to switch off."