Separation Strategist Pillows

Mover Carrying Furniture to Trucks Saying "His" and "Hers"

'We're gonna need a bigger moat...!'

"Hurry up with that dictionary!"

When cockroaches go unchecked.

'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'

"All I'm saying is now is the time to develop the technology to deflect an asteroid."

'It looks to me like they come in peace.'

Woman puts a targeting sight on her vacuum cleaner.

Angel sees FIRE EXIT sign on trap door in cloud.

'Boy, look at his personal space!'

"What do you mean, we don't have an 'exit strategy'?!"

'EXIT -Next Exit.'

"I told him that I was leaving, that I couldn't put up with the endless stream of meaningless paperwork...he asked me to fill out an exit report!"

'Why do I always pick the slow moving queue?'

DING DONG!

'You can't pour the boiling oil over them yet - I'm still cooking the chips !'

'She originally told you she wanted love and understanding? Well, her list has grown.'

'Our firewall barely protects our content.'

When Dick quit, he walked off with the company Slushy fund!'

Service Entry.

'Your wife gets custody of the children, and you get custody of the babysitter.'

'Anyone who doesn't believe in life after death, should be around here at quitting time.'

The trouble with trying to quit smoking.

"I think it's time I left Mr. Right!"

'You idiot! Two is aim, three is fire!'

"Wow! I think you just moved up in the playoffs, Tom!"

"We're taking separate vacations this year. Arthur is going on a ego trip and I'm going to Hawaii."

Boss, what's the best way to break up with someone without hurting her feelings? Hush money. What? Offer the dumpee a cashier's check for $5,000 on the condition she refrains from having hurt feelings. If she just can't do that, then you should be compassionate and offer her a $1,000 check as long as she agrees not to burden you with her hurt feelings. Very bad man. Compassion is an essential component of any severance package.

'Oh my lord, they've turned into pillows!'

'It's not you, it's me.'

'By carefully anticipating the difficult challenges of tomorrow, I know just when to take my vacation.'

'What's the score?'

"Gee! It must be great living next to a golf course!"

"I'm ready to leave whenever you are."

'Is this the smoking area?'