Senior Loved Ones T-Shirts

"Shall I compare thee to an autumn day?"

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

"Oh indeed I did: I went feral for a year when I was young. It taught me a lot about the world, but about myself too..."

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

"Did you remember my mints?"

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

Grandpa gets more than he bargained for when his lawnmower takes flight as a helicopter would.

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

An old man plays a prank on the grim reaper

"They've swapped the pub for staying in and taking their meds."

'He's been doing this ever since he saw the Lion King!'

'Come die with me.'

Dino Snack

". . . and wipe your feet before you go inside."

"The nurse thinks she's sneaky, but I know my meds are in the peanut butter."

"These are all my financial papers - with the exception of the codes to my secret Swiss bank accounts, of course."

Pensioner's Romance

"Alexa...order my shopping!"

'There is a fancy name for your condition...Let's just call it 86 and counting.'

'It could be hours, or it could be weeks. He's determined to hang on until he finally understands the punchline to a joke everybody else got at a cocktail party in 1947!'

"My doctor said I have 'a reptile dysfunction.'"

"And for you older folks, the current time is 'nowadays.'"

'They're young hares, so it's OK for them to be a bit crazy in March, but thankfully, we've grown out of that!'

'He won't start up on cold mornings.'

Remembering His Marbles

It's a wireless.

"Holy smoke. What kind of frosting is that?"