Senior Life Explorer Pillows

"Hello, Dr. Moreno? I wanted to tell you how nice it was to visit you today, but I'm not sure I needed all the pill samples...especially since I'm not sick."

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

'Good girl, Carol - now hands up all those who have lost their pens.'

Albert & Myra - The End Story

"If it doesn't happen on Facebook, it didn't happen."

The Age of Reptiles. . .

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

You know you're getting up there in years when your birthday cake requires that extra box of candles....

"Meeting old relatives...is like peeking into our future."

'I couldn't remember your exact age.'

Old Joe was determined to reach the summit as he'd left his false teeth up there last week!

"I don't remember him or the meal or what movie we saw. All I remember is I wore the right jeans."

Midlife: You Are Here.

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

Old Frogs' Home

This morning I found a thin hair growing out of my knuckle. And so it ends. Your virility, your potential, your conviction, your magnetism, your youth itself

You're only young once but apparently there's no limit on childish. (Published originally on January 15, 2008.)

"I must be getting old. I've forgotten why I came down the stairs."

"The one day we decided 'To hell with hair!' "

'They say ninety is the new eighty.'

'Dad, what were you like when you weren't a kid?'

Sorry, I don't play footsie on the first date. Neither do I. I guess that leaves rats.

'Now that I'm retired, I have time for state and national meetings, but I no longer need the information.'

'If you're coming on this road trip the sign stays'

"Would you want to drink from a fountain of youth?" "I'd settle for a fountain of middle age."

I'm 40! Oh. Well happy birthday. A lot of people wouldn't be happy about turning 40. But I'm thrilled! I've been looking forward to my midlife crisis for a long time. I've got it all planned. First I'm going to buy a sports car. Then I'm going to leave my family for someone half my age who really GETS me. Then we're going to embark on a road trip filled with booze, shoplifting and debauchery. Anyway, what's your most dangerous drink? I want something that says "I'm letting the tiger in me out to

Old Geriatric Hitchhiker holding a sign saying 'Last Fling',

"Well, did you get motorcycle riding out of your system?"

Archeology 101.

"I can't tell if I feel tired because I'm older, or I feel older because I'm tired."

'Are you having a mid-life crisis?', 'Let's hope so.'

"Here's the problem, I grabbed the wrong map. This isn't the Fountain of Youth. This is the Fountain of Middle Age."

Retirement Age

Highway of Life. No, Ernie, we're on cruise control. It just seems like we're going faster the further we go.