Self-sufficiency Enthusiast Gifts

"You should be ashamed of yourself. Growing your own instead of supporting your local, massive, out-of-town hypermarket."

"Tonight! Author book signing." "Develop your inner raging bitch."

"Teach yourself what you don't know you don't know."

"Let me slip into something a little more thoughtful."

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

Understanding The Other Side, Whether Men, Women, or Mice.

What else is there to wish for?

"I wanted to plant my own food, but I couldn't find bacon seeds!"

Thrift: New way to eat eggs (avoid needless transport costs).

'It must be a problem of interpretation. I've read this book DOZENS of times, and I keep winding up here!'

"The doctor will be with you two in a second. As for you, I'd recommend a motivational speaker."

"Just a couple of ninety cent seed packets, and you can have fresh garden vegetables for heaven knows how long."

'And when your mother said that you would never be an Olympic gymnast, how did that make you feel?'

"My pets found out they were adopted."

'You must heal yourself.'

"I can't make it out - on the packet it said radishes."

Self Help / Elf Help.

"It all started when I read somewhere that happiness is an inside job. Naturally, I assumed some breaking and entering was involved."

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

Becoming The Good Boy They Say You Are

"I feel like there's a chick in me trying to escape."

"What made you start blogging about success?"

'101 ways to drive your boss crazy.' 'How to stay sane at the top.'

"In my class, I'm not interested in grades. I'm interested in you becoming a better person!"

Bob began seeing his mother, who gave him up for adoption, professionally, three times a week. It didn't help much.

Baby's book is titled: 'Dummies for Dummies.'

Always expect the best

'We loved this book. Twenty nine experts tell you how to think independently.'

"I'm a glass-half-empty and I'm leaking."