Self-representation Champion Gifts

'Well, I must be going. I have some shopping to do with the money you saved by acting as your own lawyer.'

"Remember how I've always had a hard time asking for help?"

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

Justice 4 Ron

"At first I thought I'd hate it, but now I have to have it."

Don't Take No For an Answer

"Who cares what little kids think? What's important is that you believe in yourself."

'I have way too much respect and dignity to dye the grey out of my hair... so instead could you all just put on these brown-tinted glasses.'

'It's Always 'Good Dog'—Never 'Great Dog.'

"Hey buddy! Come over here and draw me something about 'Freedom of Speech!'"

"Do you promise to love and comfort yourself, on good days and bad, for richer, for poorer, in weight gain and loss, as long as you shall live?"

Self Love Witch

"Jazz fusion, modern country or my podcast - my podcast it is!"

'You know, it's not good for kids' self-esteem to keep harping on about this 'naughty or nice' stuff.'

'Are we birds? Are these wings? Well, let's get rid of this idea that we can't fly!'

'You've got a lot of nerve, lady, calling my son's answers 'wrong'...His answers may be different, but they're just as special and beautiful as anyone else's.'

Prosthetic Society Annual Hoe-Down : 'You put your left leg in, you put your left leg out..'

If Only Magazine: The Pot Belly Is In!

"I'm sorry. Now that everyone's home reading, watching movies, educating themselves, and reflecting on the meaning of life, there's just no money for the arts."

Celebrating National No Bra Day

"I'm sorry...to work at Abbercrummy & Fetch, you must have an 'All-American' look."

"The company is determined to implement an equal opportunities policy that eradicates any suggestion of sexist behavior. If anyone doesn't treat you as one of the chaps then I want to know about it!"

I'm the gorilla's nuts... I'm the dog's bo****ks... He's never been good at hiding his light under a bushel.

"No, you still look fat."

"I've had therapy and this IS the best possible version of myself."

"I'm supposed to warn you of the perils of being your own attorney...but I can't do it with a straight face."

'Of course you're big and clumsy, but don't forget one thing. You're supposed to be big and clumsy.'

Two Brides.

'What matters is what you think. What others think is none of your beeswax.'

Finally, a fanny-pack he could be proud of.

"I can see you...becoming a strong, successful woman!"