Self-reflectionist T-Shirts

'Lets talk about this rampant egotism of yours.'

"It all started when I didn't grow up in a palatial estate."

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

'I don't like heights...maybe that's why I've had so many low points in my life.'

"It's days like this that make me long for days like this."

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

"He's his own worst enemy."

"Hey! If you're here to marvel at the smallness of your existence within a glorious, vast and unknowable universe, there's a line!"

"Wait... what was it I came up here for?"

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

That party went well.

"Talking to your own reflection? Even your imagination is pathetic."

Cellphone Islands

* For latent content, see your psychiatrist.

"The overthinker"

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"How was my day? I'm still calculating the little victories minus the humiliations I normally suffer."

'Half an optimist is an odd bird, Sarah.'

"Colin kept the bar fairly low."

Trivia Night in Apartment 8-G

"I used to think" if I don't go to work the world will fall apart. . . but it fell apart anyway."

"You need to stop bottling it up."

"Wow! So you think my chronic self-hatred may just be an undiagnosed case of lactose intolerance?"

"Is this who I am?"

"Hmmm, this might just be not funny enough for The New Yorker."

"When you look at me, Alice, what do you see?"

"My inner child wants to have a playdate with your inner child."

Pachyderm insomnia.

"I think I'll keep a diary..."

"You're a shark! You're a killer! Nothing can stop you! Now get back in that boardroom and apologize."

"After the judicial system, I'm my own harshest critic."

"Every time I explore the corners of my mind, I have the urge to dust."

"Mirror, mirror on the wall ... what the heck is up with my hair?"

'I've used up all my eligibilities'