Self-medication Survivor Gifts

"I have an awful toothache. But I sort of forgot to re-sig up for Obamacare. SO now I have to wait till next year to get treated."

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

"What do you want to talk about first...the kleptomania or the hoarding?"

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

INSTANT GREY HAIR TREATMENT.

"Our psychopharmacologist is a genius."

My therapist cured me of using humour as a defense...these days I pack a .45.

"I see you shaved your legs...for your boyfriend?"

"Would you like to see today's liquidized menu?"

Complete Makeover

Maintenance & Repairs. No wonder health care is so expensive, they told me to take to tablets every four hours.

Meds Toast

Jimi Hendrix

'My therapist cured me of using humour as a defence, these days I pack a .45.'

A therapist laughing behind the back of his patient who is an upset looking clown.

"Good morning, folks, this is Captain Holwood from the flight deck. We'll be cruising at thirty-five thousand feet today, and I'll be finally taking control of my life, struggling to satisfy the needs of only one person—me!"

"As a confirmed hypochondriac, I rely on placebos to get me through the day."

"What's wrong with you? This isn't what I want! Do you know what you're doing? Can you get me a smarter clerk?"

'I want to be yummy mummified.'

'First Rogaine, now Viagra'

Tennis Player Receives Unwanted Advice on the Tennis Court of Public Opinion.

"No, it's not a Rorscach test, it's a really nasty damp patch."

"Can't do 3 p.m. — I'm scheduled for a migraine."

'I had a taste of my own medicine yesterday - Yuck!'

"Have you ever thought of your needs first?"

'When I call for the time and temperature, they say 'Who wants to know?''

'North Korea and Iran want nukes... Palestinians elect Hamas... and now a commercial from a leading anti-anxiety medication....'

I hate the spring ritual of not being able to wear a bulky sweater to cover the weight I've gained during the winter.

"You seem to be taking personal responsibility for everything except your bill."

"The Five Major Warning Signs of Baldness."

"Sorry, I didn't realize you had a late session. Mind if I mop while you mope?"

Bob begins every day with Tie Chi

"I want an easy to care for style that's also a desperate cry for help."

"Can we cut down his tranquilisers please?"