Self-improvement Skeptics Gifts

'Inside of me is a skinny person urging me to join a gym. That's when I sedate her with a slice of chocolate pie.'

"I'm fine. I want you to tell me how to change everyone else."

"The Seven Warning Signs of Seven Warning Signs"

Tonight's topic. Lifestyle: Being your best self. We don't actually have a "lifestyle" -- we just wing it.

If I had a bad habit, I'd work on getting rid of it.

Where your mind & battle are los

They hated me.

Butterfly Woman

'I have this fear of the real world...'

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Self help acupuncture

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

"I dunno, I guess I just don't believe in myself anymore."

Colour Version: Living by the Clock

"At times I wonder what I've done with my life that makes me worth being saved."

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

"Tonight! Author book signing." "Develop your inner raging bitch."

Nothing Succeeds Like Confidence.

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

Woman and pets with hair sticking straight up all enter Stress Management Clinic.

"Class of 2008, never let the excuse 'I can't find my pants' stand in the way of your dreams."

"I can't decide if we're good people who are bad at communicating, or monsters who communicate perfectly."

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"I can motivate everyone except myself."

'I don't like heights...maybe that's why I've had so many low points in my life.'

"Are we going for suntan, personal development or being the envy of our friends on Instagram?"

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"This could be the year someone actually goes up there."

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

I'm a self-made man!

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

"No, I really DO love you. It's just that my committee has some issues."