Self-importance Humorist Mugs

R. B. Dudley: Nobody special but rich enough to build this monument of himself.

'Let's see here... Mr. Stevens... it says you slipped in the tub and hit your head.'

Man posing on beach as women ignore him.

The Quack Quack Diaries: The George Broderick Diaries

Woman's T-Shirt says 'Baby', Man's says '35 Lbs. Ugly Fat'.

'Okay, but I'm going to hate myself in the morning.'

Next, I remember looking down and thinking, man, those pants make my butt look huge.

Bald man polishing head

"I'm having a bad forehead day."

'Well, if I weigh that much after only putting one foot on, I don't think I have the courage to continue!'

"I'm a HUNK of burning love!"

New years resolutions

"I was just talking to Charlie Rose in my head."

Narcissus

'Julie,has anyone told you how beautiful you look today? If so send them in for an eye test straight away!'

"Last year I didn't meet any of my work goals, so this year my goal is to fail at everything"

"Long term I'm worried about global warming - short term, about freezing my ass off."

'Be honest. Do I have ugly feet?'

"I seem to bring out the worst in people."

Narcissus visits the ophthalmologist

"This is first-quarter projected-earnings report--does it make my butt look big?"

To: Rudy Park. From: Lemont Brown. Hey Rudy, it's me. Long time no talk. How are you these days? Lemont? From Berkeley? Tap tap tap tap. Yeah. Man … Putnam Hall 1993. Those were the days. What ever happened to our roommate Ken? Tap tap tap tap tap tap. Divided Airlines. Divided Airlines. You know, that freak who was always writing articles about "news" and junk for the school paper ... That MORON who didn't know a Gameboy from a GameGear ... That big baby whose mommy was always calling to check

'I would appreciate if your young lady waited for you up the road,Wilkins.'

"Apparently removing my reproductive organs wasn't enough."

"My body was a temple, now it's the Acropolis."

Me at 22 vs. me at 29

A penguin keeps a globe upside-down.

Still fits like a glove after all these years!

'Saline implants? That'd kill you! I'd take anything Rick says with a grain of salt- But I suppose that'd kill you too.'

'Enjoying a little 'me time', Narcissus?'

'Honey, does the wild pig that I swallowed whole for lunch make me look fat? No, dear, it's just the lighting.

'Me, I weigh myself in the water: I get a better reading...'

'Loser on Board'

"Society is so PC these days - I can't even poke fun at myself without offending someone."

"A lot of people say that absence is my best feature."