Self-help Writer T-Shirts

I have a date tonight. She's coming over. I need to get home and clean it all up. Not so fast, little buddy. Cleaning is a delicate art. Clean too little, and she thinks you're a slob. Clean too much, and she thinks you're hiding something. It's almost as if you haven't read chapter 7 of the manual. What manual? "Mancleaning: By Randy 'The Rock' Taylor." You wrote a whole book about cleaning? It's the follow-up to "How to Reach the Tenth Level of Passion by Feng Shui-ing Your Dust Bunnies." It's

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

Kiosk in large lobby with sign above it labeled 'Empathy'.

Self help acupuncture

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

"I dunno, I guess I just don't believe in myself anymore."

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

"Tonight! Author book signing." "Develop your inner raging bitch."

"Teach yourself what you don't know you don't know."

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"I can motivate everyone except myself."

'I don't like heights...maybe that's why I've had so many low points in my life.'

"Let me slip into something a little more thoughtful."

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

"What do you want to talk about first...the kleptomania or the hoarding?"

Relationship Warning Lights

Understanding The Other Side, Whether Men, Women, or Mice.

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

'Let's start out with cliches and pithy slogans - and work our way up to wisdom ...OK?'

Window Treatment

"I can't get used to being a grownup."

Bookstore, the Politically Incorrect Guide to You.

"Then one day, as I caught a tennis ball in midair, I asked myself, 'Is this all there is?'"

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

'I think I just had an epiphany. How do I make it go away?'

'It must be a problem of interpretation. I've read this book DOZENS of times, and I keep winding up here!'

"You need to justify your own existence first."

"The doctor will be with you two in a second. As for you, I'd recommend a motivational speaker."

'I'm into New Age. My new age is 26.'

"How to talk to people" "Make them rue the day"

"Yet she never gains an ounce."

Unhappy man with 'rabbit-ear' fingers behind his head.