Self-help Junkie T-Shirts

"Here it is - 'Surviving an Earthquake'..."

'This patch is to quit smoking...this patch is to quit drinking...this patch is to quit drugs...this patch is to quit coffee...and this patch is to quit having any kind of fun whatsover!'

A man reading 'Beach Chairs for Dummies'

'If your life was a reality show, would you watch it?'

"The meaning of life is being able to help yourself."

Bob loved being his own boss – but hated being his only employee.

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

Kiosk in large lobby with sign above it labeled 'Empathy'.

Self help acupuncture

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

"I dunno, I guess I just don't believe in myself anymore."

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

"Tonight! Author book signing." "Develop your inner raging bitch."

"Teach yourself what you don't know you don't know."

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

"I can motivate everyone except myself."

'I don't like heights...maybe that's why I've had so many low points in my life.'

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"Let me slip into something a little more thoughtful."

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

Relationship Warning Lights

Understanding The Other Side, Whether Men, Women, or Mice.

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

'Let's start out with cliches and pithy slogans - and work our way up to wisdom ...OK?'

Window Treatment

"I can't get used to being a grownup."

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

Bookstore, the Politically Incorrect Guide to You.

"Then one day, as I caught a tennis ball in midair, I asked myself, 'Is this all there is?'"

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

'I think I just had an epiphany. How do I make it go away?'

'It must be a problem of interpretation. I've read this book DOZENS of times, and I keep winding up here!'

'I'm into New Age. My new age is 26.'