Self-googler Pillows

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

"Existentialist Trail. Get lost then found. Nietzsche Park System"

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

INSTANT GREY HAIR TREATMENT.

So You've Cloned Yourself

Man to date about many self-portraits on his wall: 'Self-realization is where I'm headed.'

'I can beat my own drum but it'll be counting on your to toot my horn.'

"Every time I explore the corners of my mind, I have the urge to dust."

'I'm trying to get my competence and my confidence in the same place.'

"I see you shaved your legs...for your boyfriend?"

A hard green shell on the outside doesn't always mean it's chocolaty on the inside.

For $10 I'll show you how you're ugly.

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

"Look, I still fit into the fitted sheet I wore when we met."

"Adolescencia"

CEO Gets Thumbs Up From His Portrait.

'Does my bum look big in this?'

Phil at Fifty: Still Trying to Find Himself

"You want self-motivation? Look! I have my own carrot and stick!"

'I want to be yummy mummified.'

'I just feel so used all the time.'

"Good morning, folks, this is Captain Holwood from the flight deck. We'll be cruising at thirty-five thousand feet today, and I'll be finally taking control of my life, struggling to satisfy the needs of only one person—me!"

"As a confirmed hypochondriac, I rely on placebos to get me through the day."

A Classicist Considers Taking Up The Mambo

'We ran a full DNA test, STR and Mitochondrial analysis... and Bob here 'Googled' it just to make sure.'

After a lifetime of searching, Leonard finds himself.

"Papi! Papi! I figured it out! I know exactly what I'm gonna be when I grow up!"

Well there's something you don't see every day...

"You seem to be taking personal responsibility for everything except your bill."