Self-deprecation Aficionados Gifts

'Felton,has it occured to you that you may have taken a talent for self-effacement a bit too far?'

'Let's see here... Mr. Stevens... it says you slipped in the tub and hit your head.'

"I work out in preparation for being out of shape for the next 30 years."

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

Can't even hold signs well.

"God help us, it's that guy."

'My arms are getting shorter.'

'I swear I've never had any plastic surgery, I'm naturally this ugly...Heck, my whole family is!'

"I'm not worried about identity theft. Who'd want to be me?"

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

"Tia Carmen, I think I'm growing up. I ate five slices of cold pizza at 3 in the morning...and I woke up with a stomachache."

"I'm having a bad forehead day."

Al, I hear that only one out of 100 art school graduates goes on to make a living in art. That's where I was smart, Axel: I flunked out!

'I decided I need something to draw the eye away from my bald patch.'

Man wearing t-shirt with "As seen" slogan

"If you can read this, tell me if I need to hike up my pants."

'My body is a temple. A temple full of fat people.'

Booger-Boy Scandal 4: 'I just need to craft the text well enough to shut everyone up. . . I sincerely wish they'd all shut up and go away.'

Mothers Without Borders

'Our family is so ugly, we keep the negatives instead of the pictures in the photo album!'

"Last year I didn't meet any of my work goals, so this year my goal is to fail at everything"

'You swam with dolphins?! I'm impressed.' 'Don't be. They laughed at my butterfly stroke. Dolphins can be quite cruel.'

Adam: The magazine by Adam, about Adam!

'A sincere apology costs nothing and it's a smart career move.'

'- and I was so embarrassed last night, you danced like a man with two left fe----!!!'

"My body was a temple, now it's the Acropolis."

To: Rudy Park. From: Lemont Brown. Hey Rudy, it's me. Long time no talk. How are you these days? Lemont? From Berkeley? Tap tap tap tap. Yeah. Man … Putnam Hall 1993. Those were the days. What ever happened to our roommate Ken? Tap tap tap tap tap tap. Divided Airlines. Divided Airlines. You know, that freak who was always writing articles about "news" and junk for the school paper ... That MORON who didn't know a Gameboy from a GameGear ... That big baby whose mommy was always calling to check

Cool comb over dude!

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I ask you - does this suit make me look fat?"

Actually, calling me one-dimensional isn't much of an insult

"Whenever I try telling a joke...everyone laughs at me."

'Loser on Board'

"Society is so PC these days - I can't even poke fun at myself without offending someone."