Self-deprecating Humor Lovers Gifts

'I decided I need something to draw the eye away from my bald patch.'

'Our family is so ugly, we keep the negatives instead of the pictures in the photo album!'

Can't even hold signs well.

Express Barber Chair. 10 Hairs or Less

"God help us, it's that guy."

'My arms are getting shorter.'

'I swear I've never had any plastic surgery, I'm naturally this ugly...Heck, my whole family is!'

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

"I'm not worried about identity theft. Who'd want to be me?"

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

"Tia Carmen, I think I'm growing up. I ate five slices of cold pizza at 3 in the morning...and I woke up with a stomachache."

"I'm having a bad forehead day."

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

"Mike, I know you're happy with your new toupee, but I really think it's something that you should keep under you hat."

'My body is a temple. A temple full of fat people.'

'I hope you'll excuse the pajamas. They save time when people leave.'

'You swam with dolphins?! I'm impressed.' 'Don't be. They laughed at my butterfly stroke. Dolphins can be quite cruel.'

"Last year I didn't meet any of my work goals, so this year my goal is to fail at everything"

'Big Tony said I'll be sleeping with the fishes. I think he's gonna take me to an aquarium!'

Bad Scalp Day

'What have you got to say for yourself? Or would you rather hear about me?'

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I ask you - does this suit make me look fat?"

Look at the bright side. The I.R.S. says obesity is a disease, so your office visits are tax deductible.

"My body was a temple, now it's the Acropolis."

'- and I was so embarrassed last night, you danced like a man with two left fe----!!!'

Cool comb over dude!

"Whenever I try telling a joke...everyone laughs at me."

"Society is so PC these days - I can't even poke fun at myself without offending someone."

"I should warn you. Men are animals, and I'm no exception."

'Loser on Board'

'What's your idea of the perfect woman? One that likes short, fat, middle-aged men.'