Self-deprecating Humor Lover Gifts

"Whenever I try telling a joke...everyone laughs at me."

"If you weren't a donut you could be a model."

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I ask you - does this suit make me look fat?"

'You have one message from yourself, you sad, lonely man'

Taxi Sticker reads "Thank you for not going on about my toupee."

'I've not had enough sex in my life - and I can't do poetry for toffee. . .gosh, could I murder a coffee.'

"I'm sorry, but we can't be responsible for which way the arrow points."

'Let's see here... Mr. Stevens... it says you slipped in the tub and hit your head.'

Can't even hold signs well.

Express Barber Chair. 10 Hairs or Less

'My arms are getting shorter.'

"I'm not worried about identity theft. Who'd want to be me?"

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

'I swear I've never had any plastic surgery, I'm naturally this ugly...Heck, my whole family is!'

"God help us, it's that guy."

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

"Tia Carmen, I think I'm growing up. I ate five slices of cold pizza at 3 in the morning...and I woke up with a stomachache."

Al, I hear that only one out of 100 art school graduates goes on to make a living in art. That's where I was smart, Axel: I flunked out!

'I decided I need something to draw the eye away from my bald patch.'

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

"I'm having a bad forehead day."

"I know I've matured because I choose to purchase my own candy instead of stealing my children's."

Narcissus

"Mike, I know you're happy with your new toupee, but I really think it's something that you should keep under you hat."

Man wearing t-shirt with "As seen" slogan

"If you can read this, tell me if I need to hike up my pants."

"Last year I didn't meet any of my work goals, so this year my goal is to fail at everything"

'Our family is so ugly, we keep the negatives instead of the pictures in the photo album!'

'You swam with dolphins?! I'm impressed.' 'Don't be. They laughed at my butterfly stroke. Dolphins can be quite cruel.'

'Big Tony said I'll be sleeping with the fishes. I think he's gonna take me to an aquarium!'

Bad Scalp Day

Man spilling coffee and papers, looking like an awkward dance

'What have you got to say for yourself? Or would you rather hear about me?'

Things you don't want to hear on a blind date.