Self-conscious Superhero Pillows

'You can't join the Federal Witness Protection program just to keep your friends from seeing your bald spot.'

...And he calls himself the 'Green' Giant...

'We're here to carbon date your company's carbon footprint.'

Politically Correct Snowperson

'I had no idea aspirin came in such a large bottle.'

The Great Pyramid of Paperwork

'The dripping keeps me awake!'

'Do you ever think about how we can reduce our global footprint?'

'Pretty please stay asleep till the morning,'

"Plastic straws. No fish were spared in the making of this product."

"The tuna is endangered, the lettuce was recalled and the tomatoes were hit by a drought. I can give you mayo on a roll."

'Too long at his desk...we're going need surgery to cut him free.'

"I'm guessing you're a germaphobe?"

'When I had my baby I learned the meaning of 24/7.'

'I'm not very good at mingling.'

"I don’t understand why they aren’t happy, we give them challenging, demanding work and let them do it 80 hours a week!"

"Right it's decided! We are both sober for October and Stoptober. Then Movember and Decembeard and Dry January, then..."

"You mentioned separation anxiety. Don't worry, she'll be all right."

Superhero Introverts

Rudolph goes green (with his new compact fluorescent nose)

'Sometimes the boss exerts too much pressure about meeting a project deadline.'

Important and Urgent Tasks and Not Important and Not Urgent Tasks.

'I'm just so worried about mercury in the water and sulfur dioxide in the air.'

IPCC Climate Report

Walking the Oil Plank.

Professor Axxis feels naked jogging without his toupee.

Man looking incredibly dizzy

'Bad Day?'

'I'm so embarrassed driving such a filthy vehicle...'

'Hug it harder! I'm sure that will put it out!'

"Me, I'm too self-conscious to go to the gym. I have my own hamster wheel at home..."

"This is first-quarter projected-earnings report--does it make my butt look big?"

"Incredible - here in the Himalayas! A new mountain made up entirely of discarded computers shipped to India from the West!"

"TV bioenergy, I like it!"