Self-assured Scholar Pillows

Everything I do all of the time is absolutely perfect and I will be taking no notes.

"I had all the right answers, but I had them in the wrong order."

"I was planning to grow old with Matthew Nelson, but it looks like I'll be growing old with my algebra teacher."

'She flunked me, but I plea-bargained my way up to a C-plus!'

"The teacher expects too much of me. She wants me to give it the old college try, and I'm only in grade school."

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

Tesseract of the D'Urbervilles.

'What I did on my summer vacation: I wrote about what I had done the rest of the year.'

"Graduation day at kite flying school."

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

"An excellent defense. Let's give her the doctorate."

'The first exam was easy as ABC, but that one felt more like a D,E or F.'

'It's my application to Harvard...'

Professor McWit, Didn't Publish, So Perished.

"I don't know why we try so hard to get the right answers. There isn't even a prize."

'What makes me mad, I was only a couple seats away from all the right answers!'

Too much homework: kid with two backpacks.

"Ted doesn't test well."

Can you translate that to simple-minded!

"Quit your whining... Someday you'll appreciate affordable student housing."

Examiners.

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

'He was very big in Vienna.'

Graduating students asking for cash donations.

"Don't pull any wisdom teeth. I need all the help I can get in school."

'I'll pause for your moans and groans.'

"Oh, my, I can tell—everybody in there has read Barbara Tuchman."

"That Melinda Alvarez thinks she's so smart! Well, I've been studying, and I'm gonna teach her a lesson on the test we have today!"

'My parents couldn't afford to send me to college, so they let me spend a night at a Ramada.'

"The counselor wasn't much help about getting into college. All he said was to study hard and get good grades."

There are two schools of thought. But they are spelled differently. And one of them is wrong.

"Stop the clowning, Johnson. The final isn't going to be all that bad."

Academics at the Beach

"'C' isn't EITHER the new 'A'!"

Beat me, kick me, make me do story problems.