Self-appreciation Connoisseur Gifts

Vain

That party went well.

"Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?"

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

"This next one's called 'Song for Me'."

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

"My kid could do that."

S**t Threw a Goose

"Goodnight, Dan, you handsome devil!"

"It says it's the vodka that's distilled twenty-nine times - they just can't seem to get it right."

'Someone stole my identity, didn't like it and sent it back.'

"Poor bastard. The New York 'Times' just panned his zinfandel."

"A trough full of food, mud to roll around in: Who cares if we can't fly..."

Psychiatry. I keep thinking the same bad thoughts over and over! An "emotional baggage carousel"!

A giraffe in a hat

Big deal! If you were smart, you'd have waited for the price of gold to go up. Everyone's a critic.

"I'll be grateful for the small things, and you can be grateful for the big things - that way, we'll have it covered."

Duelling personalities.

"I moved out here for peace and quiet, but now I keep talking to myself."

"That outfit is a nasty mix of stripes and patterns."

"But you got some good reviews too, yeah?"

'I think I've got it.'

'Are you having a mid-life crisis?', 'Let's hope so.'

Now Showing: "Mucky Wucky" Rated Z. That means Roger Ebert slept through it.

Ms. Walsh, I'll be unavailable today...I'm spending it with my ego wall.

'...I'm the only one here who's outrageously high opinion of themselves is actually justified.'

"Well, for starters I'd like to thank me."

Judgeasaurus

"And if you press that one, someone will come in and tell you what a good job you're doing,"

"The money's not all that flash here, but you do get recognition for good work."

'Ms. Collins, order me a dozen roses asap. And make sure I say something flattering to myself in the card.'

"Just my luck to marry the only man in town with the mind-body problem."

'Brilliant!'

Artist and buyer