Seeking Medical Advice Prints

"I didn't want to come in, but I've spent thousands of hours online diagnosing my neck pain and it just keeps getting worse."

"Don't worry. I think I have an app for that."

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

"Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Finally, I cracked."

"Get another opinion if you wish, Mr. Von Flip...But I'm confident it will still come up ' heads - we operate.'"

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

"I'm a doctor - I'm SUPPOSED to be a health nut!"

"Well, Mr Eagle, coming to see me is the first positive step to get you to soar again..."

"You need to stop eating that sh*t."

'Learn to relax and don't bottle yourself up.'

'According to Dr Alvin McDowell, everything that was good for you is now bad for you!'

'Yes, yes, yes, now seriously, what can we do to improve our health?'

'You have to give up this devil-may-care fattitude.'

'Well, if you don't smoke or drink, stop chewing gum!'

'I'm going to check with my pastor to see what the Bible says about this operation.'

'The best thing for you, is to give up booze and smoking.'

"You say that the best thing I could do for my health is to give up alcohol. Let's talk about the second best..."

"I suggest you take these pills on an empty stomach."

'I want to lose weight, Doctor.' - 'Eat less, then.' - 'I need it to be more complicated than that.' - 'Why?' - 'How can I justify failing if it's that simple, eh?!' - 'Gah. He's breaking me...' -

'Have your daily bread every other day.'

"Don't eat anything fatty...you're not listening, Fatty...I said, 'Don't eat anything!'"

'I'm prescribing magnets for your weight-loss program. They'll keep this on your refrigerator door.'

"After giving advice for decades, my doctor gave me some. He suggested I quit sitting all day."

'I asked you for one good reason why I should follow your advice, not six.'

'If I do decide to get a second opinion, can I get it at your blog?'

"You must cut down on your smoking."

'You've never starved a fever, have you?'

'Now this quack wants me to see a specialist- what the hell is a PATHOLOGIST'

"You have to start exercising. Running your mouth, skipping meals, and jumping to conclusions won't help you."

Do Not Confuse Your Internet Search With my Medical Degree!

"Unbuckle your belt, Bob."

"My doctor said I needed to go on a diet. . . Yes, to a new doctor!"

'How's your liver?', 'Okay for now, but my doctor told me to take it easy.'