Seeking Marriage Counseling Pillows

"Are we sexually compatible? Well, we both get headaches at the same time..."

'And he's always accusing me of flirting with every man I meet.'

"What do you mean I never take you anywhere? We're here, aren't we?"

'You don't understand the concept, sir - You have to find yourself a wife first.'

Marriage counselor: 'It's not cheating when I get a second opinion after she calls me a lousy lover!'

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"We'll always have couples therapy."

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

"We first met on the net. We began to court, but between my foul mouth and Wilson being on the rebound...let's just say it was a long shot, but he pressed, and I was defenseless. Now, we're as 'hoopy' as can be."

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

Try Mediation

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

"...until death do you a favor."

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

'Great Therapy!'

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"Well, you both sleep eighteen hours a day, so try to coordinate this to find a window for some quality time together..."

I want to rip out our lawn and plant a wild meadow. And I want lost of well-mown grass. What do you recommend? Nursery open. Just a sec. I'll check with my dad. No way! Tree's Tree Nursery. I'm not suggesting a marriage counselor!

"I need him to stop think and start listening."

"I traded his corncob pipe and his button nose for a buttoned lip, and things couldn't be better."

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."