Seeking Financial Advice Pillows

"Of course you can have some help from the bank of mum and dad, just as soon as we've had a word with the bank of grandma and grandad."

"Stock options for your thoughts."

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

Build Your Own Portfolio

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

Annual profits,

Will work for ETFs

"Great plan. Could we get some more details?"

"Oh dear...I don't think negotiations are going too well..."

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

"...And that's how to translate honey into money."

Fiscal Compass for the Global Investor.

'I know you're looking for a safe investment but have you ever heard of anyone getting wealthy investing in a bank account?'

'This graph may need some explaining...'

'We must grasp this new opportunity'

'Sure, real estate prices are sky-high, but kings don't sell their castles, and that's that.'

'You reached the Nervous Investor Fund's Hotline. The per share value is now 19.05, now 18.91, now...'

Updated Fairy Tales. Having all of them around sure sweetened my stimulus check!

'According to this, you owe $57.32 in late fees for the book 'Getting By on a Shoestring Budget'.'

'You know, you can do this all online now.'

"Here's what you wanted – a strategy to live abundantly, build capital, surpass your peers and disappoint your heirs."

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

"There may be a moral equivalent of war, but, by God, there is not moral equivalent of money."

Snowflake Investments...penny stocks, junk bonds: 'Here today, gone tomorrow!'

Portfolio, 2011

'The good news is that we're making huge profits - the bad news is that we won't be getting a bailout.'

"I was a stockbroker first, but when I realized how much time I spent praying, I figured, what the heck?"

"I'm a good risk for a business loan because I put 110% effort into my business."

"Constant vigilance, regular trimming."

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Accountant Bedtime Stories

'Diversify, diversify, diversify. Never keep all your eggs in one basket, unless it's Easter.'

'You go without me. I'm feeling a little down today.'

'The hard hats? In case of falling interest rates.'