Financial Advice Pillows

'Diversify, diversify, diversify. Never keep all your eggs in one basket, unless it's Easter.'

"Your money was working for you, but it suddenly quit and now it's working for me!"

'This is better than magic beans, Jack. It's stock in the company that makes the magic beans.'

'If possible, I'd like it to be an amicable bankruptcy.'

'I can't put my finger on it, but something doesn't seem right.'

Independent Financial Advisor.

Invest in our future.

'Son, I've been nickeled and dimed my whole life, and believe me, nickled is better.'

Take Your Social Security Early.

'You've made a wise decision to use a financial planner. Failing to plan is planning to fail.'

'I probably spend about 95 of what I make on partying--the rest gets squandered.'

"First of all, Mr. Keller, I'll buy you a new shirt."

"You call this a 'market correction?' So when I was making money...was that a 'market mistake?'"

Stand up straight, you're slouching.

'I have an expense account, but it's a joke.'

"Financial Adviser advises client 'I advise you that you're broke'."

"I didn't realise we were applying for another loan... I thought you were a marriage guidance counsellor!"

"Upset with the performance of your big pharma stocks? There's a new drug to treat that. . ."

"For my dad's birthday, I'm giving him free advice on which tech stocks to buy."

'Take my word for it, Eddie. It's not the journey that counts, it's the money.'

Small investors Broker

'They say a fool and his money are soon parted. Here's a list of fools. Make it happen.'

"Your stocks are down, Ms. Blum. But the good news is my fee is not based on performance, so I'll still be here to advise you."

'I just give advice, the market will determine if it was good or bad advice.'

"Let's begin with an x-ray of your portfolio."

'I self-published a book on how to be successful. It forced me into bankruptcy.'

Investments - Free T-Shirt!

Will your stocks recover soon? How refreshing you still have a sense of humour...

'Oh, nothing much, Freddie, what's new over at ouijaboard.com?'

Tax Avoidance Advice...50c.

If you're so good at picking winning stocks, why do you still have to work?

'There's one clever man, he managed to lose almost a billion dollars before they caught him.'

'You're looking at it all wrong, being hopelessly in debt is a reason to go on.'

'Remember money isn't everything...it's the only thing.'

'Don't pay the doctor...'