Seeker Of Acceptance T-Shirts

'I never seem to fit in anywhere...'

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"

"This could be the year someone actually goes up there."

The Salesman

"How can you have a meteoric rise to the top in a one-story building?"

The vice-president in charge of sincerity

'It could have been worse...she might have chosen banking.'

'What can you wish for?!... Oh, I don't know... Infinite wealth, beautiful women throwing themselves at your feet, fame and admiration, perhaps?... But, don't let me influence you.'

"My daughter tells me you want to become a doctor."

"You used to be that ambitious."

"Obviously, I can't fly like you, but if you teach me, I can probably sing like you..."

"Two roads diverged in a wood and I... I... I..."

'It saves me the trouble of constantly asking myself 'What's my motivation?''

"If we had invented the phone and computer, we would be at the top of the food chain. What a blown opportunity."

'It wasn't just my own country -- I was without honor everywhere until I found Southern California!'

"Stop chasing my tail? I'd be lost if I had no goal in life."

"I am very comfortable with my bovinity."

"You'll find it's lonely at the top."

"You'll never know if you can fly until you leap into the unknown."

'It's a great country kid, anyone can grow up to be security to the president.'

Metaphors.

"My parents are nice, school's going well, and I'm basically a good kid. Unfortunately, there's no money or fame in being normal."

"Hello, mom. You know how you were always telling me I could be anything I wanted to be? Well guess What."

"So, Gracie, if you were a superhero, what powers would you have?"

"I may be your page today, but someday, I hope to be the whole book."

Executive Elevator: Up Only

"My left buttock is noticeable larger than my right and my dog is missing his hind legs."

'She was always very proud of her figure.'

I'm Proud of my Gay Son!....I'm Proud of my Cross-Dressing Dad.

"All my hopes have been downgraded to dreams."

'Garrison came up the hard way...without stepping on anyone.'

"Do you think it's too late for me to go to law school and position myself for an appointment to the supreme court?"