Security Professional T-Shirts

"Do you think terrorists could ever poison the vodka supply?"

Dog barking at everything except a burglar.

'A square knot's a good start, but I'd like to see an alarm system and some deadbolts installed as well,'

"Meet the new head of security."

"You'll never get that past security."

'How are these secrets getting out? It's almost as if the competition has a fly on the boardroom wall!'

'Where have out teachers gone...'

'This biometric ID badge is part of the new security system. The badge contains my encoded retinal scan, fingerprints, and level of job enthusiasm.'

A man realises surveillance cameras are on him at the urinal.

Smaller safes inside bigger safes.

Identity thieves in jail.

At the secret door store.

'I can remember when you could go out without having to worry!'

'I already have a home security system.'

'Good evening sir,I'm doing a survey on home security.'

"I'll find you some candy, but first tell me how you got past the Secret Service."

The modern American airport

'For your safety, these stalls are monitored by a single person in a discreet location.'

'... so I put the combination in the safest place I could think of.'

'Right son...you're knicked!'

"Hang on a tick, lads, what have we here?"

'Good evening. I'm Scotty, the loss prevention specialist.'

You're being watched.

'I only sneezed because I have hay fever.'

'And in local news: Someone is hiding behind the drapes.'

Desert Isle CCTV

Safety

"Well the good news is that we did save a little money by not investing in cyber crime protection...."

Paradise Surveillance.

'A vault? Yes Sir, I'll be sure to pass your suggestion on to management.'

The lion statues in front of New York City Library are replaced with spies.

'I didn't take your stupid pen.' (Colleague has surveillance camera set up on desk.'

"Thanks to Kickstarter, we're building a tunnel."

"Actually, all they stole was the car alarm!"

'If you see a stranger, you kill him -- it's called 'Homeland Security.''