Seasonal Chef Gifts

"I must have been frozen -- is this the future?"

Squirrels Stockpiling Mulling Spices for Winter

'Big ham alright. It's August and it's still going strong.'

"Now, I'm ready for summer."

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"Be sure and eat your frozen vegetables."

It's beginning to smell a lot like Christmas

'I'll just put them here until the danger of frost passes - probably next April'

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

Easter Egg Delivery

"Our seasonal special is spiced pumpkin apple butternut squash ale. Would you like that in a frosted mug or over ice cream?"

"Oh, as long as he needs you, Santa's a great guy. But once things slow down and he wants a little vacation time with Mrs. C., it's 'goodbye North Pole, hello crappy temp job!'"

'Oh that's weird! i just had a shiver go down my wallet. My wife must have just bought something.'

'Since you only work one night a year, it will take centuries to build up your retirement account.'

"Fresh-raked leaves?"

Hot Chestnuts

"The Steak, too? I know it's autumn, but do you have to have EVERY thing pumpkin spice?"

'I bought winter tyres and it didn't snow.'

"I'll see your two and raise you three."

"For keyhole turkey carving we use a 12 mm port in each flank and third in the midline."

"Take a shower first. You smell like a chimney."

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

"Did no one tell you that at this time of year everybody flies south?"

'. . . the Winter of Discontent Soup, Arab Spring Roll, Summer Madness Salad and The Season of Mellow Mists Fruit Medley.'

"Too much salt?! Hey, I put a lot of sweat and tears into making that Christmas Pudding!"

"Fred's a man for all seasons. The lawn still needs mowing but he's set for leaf blowing."

Blowing out the Christmas Pudding.

"How can I word this Christmas card to my boss without wishing him a merry Christmas?"

"Finally! An iconic advertising image that represents Christmas, Valentine's Day and Easter!"

What will I do with it? It will never fit in the microwave.

Huge Christmas Pudding

"But, can he support you on what a store santa makes working one month a year?"