Seafaring Sage T-Shirts

"I think I've figured out why we can't find the marina."

Captain Thomas Coram.

Sooner or Later

The experienced backpacker.

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

Lady of the bath...

'Are we there yet?'

Academics At The Beach: The Old Man And The Sea

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"

"For the last time, I’m not Bigfoot — I’m Larry from Vermont!"

Turning Japanese: I really think so.

Viking Loch Ness

'Hey, wait a minute...Apples aren't indigenous to this geopraphical region.'

Spiritualism: Meet the Authors.

'It's true what they say: People often look like their pets...'

'There is no point in leaving civilization, because civilization will not leave you.'

The Paper Route

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

Frontispiece to 'Dombey and Son'

"Will thee not sayeth uncle?!"

A book reviewer reads between the margins.

"First order of business...no more memos beginning 'Once Upon a Time.'"

"International trade"

"Less roman, more clef."

"Time to administer scout leader first aid protocol..."

"Look lively crew, lest we be dashed upon these scrumptious shores."

Three Witches from Macbeth

'Captain, there's someone pissing in the hold!'

"It doesn't say, son, who they pawned the kittens off on after the flood."

"Have ye seen a whale that matches this swatch?"

'I told you that parrot didn't know how to navigate.'

"Pecos Bildungsroman"