Scrolling Strategist T-Shirts

"Today I'm going to search and scroll and swipe and binge."

'Charlotte's Website' ('The children's book classic rewritten for the electronic era!')

"No, we can't get you a new toy every time we go shopping."

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

'Scroll down for the good stuff!'

"Yes, but I'll know it's a recliner."

Holiday Sales: The Starting Line

Internet Cafe.

Romans.

Shampoo and Salad Dressing.

"I'll throw in a few extra pinstripes."

"Consumer confidence remains high as long as we keep them distracted buying stuff."

'I've got it written down...'

"How will you be paying? Crypto, Venmo, electronic fund transfer, credit card, check, cash, precious metals, brightly colored shells or livestock?"

"I have no idea where we parked the car, or why we exist."

"Eeny, meeny, miney, mo.."

'And this one is just today's grocery list from my wife.'

Book

"Why is this cart so heavy?"

"I'm charging you with texting and driving."

"You want to go shopping in Lisbon? Honey, give me 10 seconds to sign the order to invade Portugal!"

'But what do you sell?'

"Class, welcome back Sean ... who, you may recall, was lost for eight days in Home Depot."

95 Theses That Will Blow Your Mind!

'Our survey shows there's more confidence in shopping coupons than in the dollar...'

'Our definition of a 'bargain' is right there in the small print.'

'I'm sure I've forgotten something. I got change from a fifty.'

Virgil

'I need a change in my life. From now on it's all wheeling and no dealing'

"He'd torch the castle and I'd rescue the damsel."

"I know I'm huffing and puffing, but I don't have a temperature. You're safe. Now, let me in."

"Oh no. It's another death caused by 'economy pack syndrome'!"

"What time does the Black Friday parade begin?"

"I've got a lot of stuff, a ton of coupons, and I pay by check, so all you behind me...get comfortable!"

'I'm the same as you - too sick to go into work, but well enough to go shopping!'