Scripture Saviors Pillows

"Hey! These are still good!!"

"Meet the scribe"

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

Cleric with bible briefcase.

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

"We're in deep trouble... there are some people quoting back to us what we taught them."

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

'Any chance these are available in paperback?'

Buzzfeed does The Bible: 10 commandments that will blow your mind.

"The amendments are coming next week!"

"For the last time Pharaoh, it's a plague, not global warming."

"You know, Father, they say the Old Testament is the new New Testament."

"Maybe you're right. Maybe the multiple exclamation points come across as over excited and insincere."

"And on the seventh day, God 'choked,' and all hell broke loose."

Moses comes down the mountain with the first silicon chip.

Jesus wept

'Oh, another thing, there'll be no more of this standing upright business, ok?'

'Oh, I understand -- with the 'coveting' part, we can get everybody!'