Script Scout Pillows

"Quiet? I'd even read for the understudy part for someone who is between engagements."

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

'They all want to play the star.'

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

"OK, stop me if you've never heard this before!"

"I believe it was called 'cursive'."

"So, do you see yourself as a car valet who writes screenplays or a screen writer who parks cars?"

Hollywood producer.

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

'We don't know what the final result will look like, but the movie rights have already been optioned.'

Eugene Ionesco

"It's supposed to be a comedy, so I've had Steve, here, red-flag the funny parts."

"I have to ask you a few questions. I've written a screenplay. Would you read it?"

"He's left a suicide screenplay."

"What are they complaining about?... The local content is the audience...

'It's 'big office' meets 'poorly-received flop'!'

Dear Diary

'A series based on made-up stories with actors following scripts? Preposterous.'

'Look on it as... constructive criticism.'

"Whatta you mean 'minor script changes?' It's supposed to be a western."

'It says 'three percent split infititives, 8 percent passive verbs, 16 percent compound-complex sentences,average sentence length 26 words,paperback rights $3.2 million,movie sales $8.3 million,total take $11.5 million,less 5 percent agents fees.'

Subtitles for the Stupid

"Sure, it's a little formulaic but I love it!"

"Yeah, the Declaration of Independence is beautiful! What font is that?"

"Just got the script from the focus group. Fabulous!"

"No, Barbara, this wouldn't make a great 'Seinfeld' episode!"

Directors Chair and Others.

Write a Screenplay

Actor looks at script called The Sandi Toksvig Story. He says: 'It's not what I had in mind when I said I wanted to play the Dane.'

'I'm writing a screenplay that every studio in Hollywood will want to produce. It's about an honest, hard-working, moral CEO.'

'There's something about that Indian scout I don't trust.'