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Meet the Shameless Self-Promoter 2 PM

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

Instructional guide to scribbling

"So start throwing together about 10 novels a week and bring them in on Wednesdays."

"Your editor called again to see if the well was still dry."

'If you don't learn how to sign your name, you'll have to pay cash!'

'Is this any way to treat a budding genius?'

Writer: Humour and Tragedy.

'Don't write on that wall with crayons! It'll show up better on that wall over there.'

"The trouble with spelling rules is that they impede creativity."

'I'm a writer.' - 'What a coincidence, I'm a reader.'

"Where do you get your derivative ideas?"

"It's been done, but I don't think it's been redone."

'After three years of writer's block, I began writing about writer's block.'

Writer's Block Party

'Hows it coming?'

'I've worked out that all you need for a summer blockbuster is...'

OOPS!

'Your poetry totally captures the raw, primitive essence of the writing workshops you've attended.'

"If you kids want to grow up to be writers, it's time we give you something to write about."

'I remember my pin but I've forgotten my signature!'

"Is this the wobbly table? I'll put my screenplay under this leg."

Writer’s Corner

"Would it hurt you to take two minutes from writing code to write your grandmother?"

"No wonder you're struggling with your novel. You're not wearing your writer's hat."

Tourist graffiti on the top of a mountain.

"It's the worst case of writer's block Sidney has ever had. He hasn't put a word on the page since fifth grade!"

"Would you like to squiggle here something that no-one in a MILLION years would be able to read!"

A pen spewing letters

"I can write my name in the snow. I bet you can't do that."

Recycling Station: Manuscripts.