Screwdriver Satirist T-Shirts

Hardware - "Where do you keep the elbow grease?"

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

Employee won't think about work outside of box

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

"Janet, cancel my Guido's reservation. I'll be having lunch in the office."

In and Out Tray

'Perkins, we're getting rid of some of the dead wood around here.'

Please bring me a few sharpened pencils and some lucrative business.

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

'Remember, Jenkins, I want those briefs on my desk by morning.'

'I'm delegating everything but my paycheck and my snazzy office to you.'

'I don't want your input until you produce some output.'

Meet Grant, he came up through the ranks.

'We took the old plan, folded in half, and now it's the new plan.'

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'

'Sorry, I can't give you a raise. However, I can offer you a splendid opportunity to share the profits.'

'The question is - to what level of data do we wish to stoop.'

'On your marks. Get set. Go!' - 'Come on! Keep going! You can do it!' - 'Yay! You're 8 hours closer to the grave!' - 'Oh, God.'

Office temperature.

'I'm being promoted to The Capable Office - he said I'm incapable!'

'I blame the nothing for something culture.'

'Frankly, I'm ed up with brilliant, independent thinkers. I'm looking for a good old fashioned yes man.'

'It's not fair. Women doing the same job I'm doing in this office are being paid more than I am!'

If you really need permanent staff for IMMEDIATE cover then we could pull out all the stops and get someone by next October.