Screwball Slugger Pillows

'This pitcher throws screwballs. Better hand me my 'special' bat.'

High-gravity baseball

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"Remember, kids, it's not winning that matters, it's getting a clean urine sample that's important."

Giant slug attacks a city

"All this pitching and hitting- I'm convinced there's a deeper meaning to it all."

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

The Giamatti era

'I was up twice and got one hit, which gives me an lifetime average of 500!'

"I need to buy a faster fastball."

'Well, Jimmy, it's your turn to go get it.'

Act as though you're in a screwball comedy.

'It's only a slug Norman.'

'I can just see him twenty years down the road pitching for the Giants.'

"I know I told you to fool him into thinking you've got nothing left, but now you've got me convinced."

'No, Billy, their first baseman is messing with your head. You won't go to hell for stealing second.'

"A little high and inside."

'Dad, the baby has swallowed your nails.'

'Both benches have emptied, and now the brawl is spreading to the spectators!'

Organic Salad

'I thought you invited me to play T-ball!'

'Play your best. There's going to be a scout for the ten year olds in the stands!'

Combing Baseball and Violin Practice.

' . . . and a surplus screw for the heck of it!'

"Will the witness please refrain from shagging flies."

Fans Desperately Try To Catch A Baseball

"Have you SEEN what an angry slug can do to a delphinium?"

'What exactly is it you dislike about slugs, Mister Crabtree?'

"Maybe Papi will believe it was a drive-by pitch."

'Are you the person I see about getting a sign-up bonus and a salary?'

'Lassie, come home!!'

"You still need that recipe for boiling water?"

'He had a great screwball until his arm went bad.'

"There it is Derek,....our nemesis!"

'Don't worry Hal, I think if you pour salt on them, they completely shrivel up.'