Screwball Comedy Fans T-Shirts

"In your condition, all I have is a job at the stripped club."

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

"That'll be five bucks."

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

"Cat World Domination Day June 24th"

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

Two fishermen land on stumps. Man says to other, 'Is that enough structure for ya?!'

"As I was only saying the other day..."

"And by president we mean the one on Saturday night tv, not the real one. He kinda sucks."

'We were thinking of naming him after his daddy, but I don't really like the name, Old slap head.'

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

Humans Queue To Use Portable Toilet While Dogs Queue To Use Tree Portable Toilet

"He looks just like your husband."

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

"Friends have been scribbling on my cast."

Technique #54 airlines are adopting for handling excessive carry on luggage.

Standard & Poor

'Is your cabbage diet working darling?'

'It's a nicotine patch...I've been smoking too much.'

"Beer? I see you taught Roscoe to fetch?"

Top Ten New Year's Resolutions

"Those are the lyrics? How embarrassing—I've been singing it wrong this whole time."

Shaving

"We get fantastic indoor facilities during the cold months."

"Okay so which one stole your cereal?"

Yakety-Yak

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

An alternative theory as to why dinosaurs are extinct.