Screen Scrutineer Pillows

"There must be an app for this..."

Opportunities in Coronatimes

"The prostate biopsy shows your pain threshold is much higher than normal."

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"Honey, are we watching TV or is it watching us?"

Nuclear Security Summit

"I'm so overloaded with emails, just one monitor wasn't enough to handle them all."

CATCHY NAME

Self-Improvement, Self-Empowerment, Self-Aggrandizement

Woman is shocked at seeing her weight, she doesn't realise that her dog is also on the scales.

"We interrupt this rubbish to give you another chance to switch off."

"It's a cucumber mousse with a mushroom roam, but at least your bill will be substantial."

"Yes, you paid for the product and the plan, but there's an extra charge for actually using it."

"This is going a lot smoother than we anticipated."

"I am in the moment - just not the moment you're in."

"Government requires that we lower the bar."

Truth in Labeling: 'Snouts, lips, jowls, cheeks and viscera enclosed in intestine and served on a bun, Mustard optional.'

I'm away from my desk. Any message you leave won't be of any importance to me.

"Ahhh, look at all the lonely people."

Coffee then and coffee now.

'Hey, there's a spot - pull in there!'

"What? I AM taking a break from the computer."

'See a doctor. Your cholesterol is twice your weight.'

"Ten more minutes of media manipulation, then it's off to bed."

Gonzo Marketing - batteries not included in batteries.

Cellphone Heads

Screen Addict

'I'm worried about him always on that phone and not playing outside enough.'

'You really need to think about getting glasses.'

Deadly Radon

The modern family drifting apart...