Screen Critic Pillows

'You really need to think about getting glasses.'

"We interrupt this rubbish to give you another chance to switch off."

"We must do better at protecting this endangered species."

"Ahhh, look at all the lonely people."

"Well, it was nice to see all of you."

"Bond James, Bond."

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Benedict Cumberbatch

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

Herman Mankiewicz

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"Now Playing: One of those Jane Austen movies."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

'This should be perfect. The main characters fall in love during a series of explosions.'

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

Difference of Opinion

"Bloody hell!"

Sign in book shop window: 'Critics agree the book is much better than the movie.'

Censors 'no' a good thing when they see it.

"Why didn't you simply open the window?"

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

Men: Hating chick flicks since 1623.

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

Standard endings for sci-fi movies...

'It was great. I hated it.'

No, this is the red lagoon, the black one is down the road a bit.

'This is the worst film noir I've ever seen.'

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'

"You had the power to leave all along - just click your heels three times, grab your coat, and sneak out without saying goodbye."

Can't Touch This