Scottish Humor Enthusiast Gifts

Edinburgh 1 o'clock gun.

Doctor Surgery, "You've a patient with a wee Cart."

'Hello Angus...I didn't recognise you.'

"I'm half Scottish...Unfortunately it's the bottom half so I have to wear this stupid kilt."

'Here was proof that Lawrence was indeed an Englishman."

'Everybody from Liverpool's a comedian.'

John Cleese.

Silicon Vale

'Three little kids and their first words. Can you find out which one is the British kid?'

Alien asking for Bernard manning's autograph

A Scottish Terrier playing bagpipes wins the dog show.

"The Scottish Premier is to start using goal-line technology similar to the 'Hawkeye' system currently used in the premier league. It's expected 'Och-Aye' will be installed at all grounds in time for next season."

William Hague as a punk.

"All the atmosphere of 'Murray Mound' but in the comfort of your own home!"

Get Over It, You Remoaners!

'Ok, ok, ok. Just tell me the title.'

"Good news - You can get wine in pints now! Bad news - It's British wine."

A rainy holiday in Bournemouth.

'What's the hardest thing about playing bowls?'

"Noooo! B is for Bullocks, B is for Braindead, and Beating Boris on the Bum with a Big Broom.Don't forget that Achmed."

Rowan Atkinson.

"Who's the daddy?"

'That's Cat from Eastenders.'

Kenneth Williams

"Well Jenkins... I dare say we should have brought a second flyswatter."

Dawn French.

"Looks like beach weather."

"This is the life eh.?"

'When I started this journey I was a curate.'

Ant and Dec.

'Go through laddie. Only a true Scotsman disnae wear anything under his Kilt.'

Alex Salmond: Bannockburn.

He instantly realised that the snake he had stumbled upon wasn't the ordinary, nonvenomous python but the feared Monty Python. However, impervious to British humor, Walter walked away unscathed.

Richard III found buried under Leicester car park.

Drought in Sixth Week