Scotch Pillows

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

'Another Scotch?'

"If the energy drink isn't working, try scotch."

"Wine?! Laddie, he'll have my attention when he can change water into Scotch!"

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

"I'm afraid our drinking water isn't pure."

Bernstein's got himself a driverless club

Trump Poutine

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

God taking iceburgs with ice tongs for his whisky.

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

"He never passes by without a mischievous smile."

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single malt."

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

'Not only was the superbug immune to antibiotics, but it had developed a taste for Dr Jones' whisky.'

Whiskey wars

"Nice try, but I don't think whisky counts as an 'essential medication'."

'Whiskey and splash, sir.'

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

Milton wonders if it would be possible to substitute scotch and sex for tea and sympathy.

"We'd like to do a song that will barely penetrate your consciousness as you continue to enjoy those faddish cigars and single-malt scotches."

Blue Blazer Cocktail.

"Is that neat whisky?"

'This low-alcohol beer doesn't taste bad with a scotch in it.'

The Angel's Share

"For the perfect sedative, take the juice from a bottle of whisky..."

I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it? No. What if I drank scotch and smoked a cigar and listened to vinyl records and grew a big lumberjack beard? It's what all the hipsters are doing. You're not a hipster. I'm at least a kneester. At most you're a keister.

William Wallace and Gromit

"I washed my kilt last night , now I can't do a fling with it!"

'We have developed an APP we use to import ingredients from the Internet, merge them in the computer, and then download them into the distiller and then just bottle the output.'

Scotch and soda on a drip.

Paisley isn't either the new plaid!

You can kiss me later