Scotch Pillows

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

'Another Scotch?'

"If the energy drink isn't working, try scotch."

"Wine?! Laddie, he'll have my attention when he can change water into Scotch!"

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

"I'm afraid our drinking water isn't pure."

Trump Poutine

Bernstein's got himself a driverless club

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

God taking iceburgs with ice tongs for his whisky.

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

"He never passes by without a mischievous smile."

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single malt."

'Not only was the superbug immune to antibiotics, but it had developed a taste for Dr Jones' whisky.'

Whiskey wars

"We'd like to do a song that will barely penetrate your consciousness as you continue to enjoy those faddish cigars and single-malt scotches."

Milton wonders if it would be possible to substitute scotch and sex for tea and sympathy.

'Whiskey and splash, sir.'

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

Blue Blazer Cocktail.

"For the perfect sedative, take the juice from a bottle of whisky..."

'This low-alcohol beer doesn't taste bad with a scotch in it.'

"Is that neat whisky?"

The Angel's Share

"I washed my kilt last night , now I can't do a fling with it!"

'We have developed an APP we use to import ingredients from the Internet, merge them in the computer, and then download them into the distiller and then just bottle the output.'

Scotch and soda on a drip.

'It's a taste I think I can say I've acquired.'

'Water is a valuable good and we should use it sparingly. That's why I'd like my Scotch straight.'

Desert Island Bagpipes

"Hail to thee, blithe spirit!"

"Who, Big Sal? Sure, we were in cahoots years ago, but we fell out of cahoots."