Scientific Integrity Gifts

"I admit I fabricated data, but I didn't falsify any, and I didn't plagiarize."

Ethics exam cheater.

"It's such a lovely day!"

'I told you, you were missing a decimal point.'

'We're able to cut back on legal fees by being more ethical.'

"We'll have to retract that article. On of our co-authors is the night watchman."

'Someone calling himself a bio-ethicist is here to see you.'

"I've made a discovery about our universe! It turns out you aren't the center of it Tim."

'Of course the scientists have got this all wrong about climate change.'

Government Interference with Science.

"Since I know you got your book report off the internet, and you know I got my math lesson off the internet, I guess we're even."

I'm a nuclear physicist.

'I admit I copied all my essays from the internet.'

"I realize Kyle was looking at your answers, but that doesn't mean you can sue him for theft of intellectual property."

Grassy Knoll Creationism: 'More potshots at evolution.'

We never went to the moon. The Youtube evidence is conclusive. Not the Van Allen thing again." "Van Allen." It is absolutely impossible for human beings to traverse the Van Allen radiation belt. Explain how the Apollo astronauts passed through that radiation belt without either dying or hulking out. They were exposed to a cat-scan's worth of radiation. It was supposed to be a rhetorical question.

"Ooh, get the quantum theorist hiding behind that tree."

'I know I told you this wouldn't hurt, but, if it does, raise your trunk or something.'

The two geologists lived only a stone's throw apart.

"This is the one - we want you to pray for this one."

Report on Plagiarism - 'You've copied all this off the internet...'

"I'm not religious-just anti-science."

Research - Development - More Research

"Well, there's one thing that I can say about Baldo...he's an honest young man. With grades like these...there's no way he's cheating."

'I will not mix chemicals unless I know what they are.'

Pure Research, Somewhat Sullied Research, and Totally Craven, Profit-Driven Research.

"A culture of collaboration does not mean you can copy somebody else's answers."

'See here, you've no right to treat these people as human guinea pigs!'

Has faith, but accepts evolution: fish with GOD witten inside.

Corona Crisis Team: Finally Gets Real Experts!

"We decided to hang on to the old black-and-white set for watching colorized films."

'Your head weighs 26 pounds, same as your feet.'

'As the principal, you'd be darn sure I'd know if there were any grade inflations going on around here.'

How the LA Times Fired Me for the LAPD (Part 2 of 3)

'Do you remember my old classmate Bob? He was always honest. He worked like a dog and never was a tax dodger or a moonlighter and he never had debts. Last week, he was found starved to death in a subway tunnel...'