Scientific Integrity Gifts

"I admit I fabricated data, but I didn't falsify any, and I didn't plagiarize."

Ethics exam cheater.

'I told you, you were missing a decimal point.'

'We're able to cut back on legal fees by being more ethical.'

"We'll have to retract that article. On of our co-authors is the night watchman."

'Someone calling himself a bio-ethicist is here to see you.'

"I've made a discovery about our universe! It turns out you aren't the center of it Tim."

'Of course the scientists have got this all wrong about climate change.'

Government Interference with Science.

"Since I know you got your book report off the internet, and you know I got my math lesson off the internet, I guess we're even."

I'm a nuclear physicist.

'I admit I copied all my essays from the internet.'

"I realize Kyle was looking at your answers, but that doesn't mean you can sue him for theft of intellectual property."

Grassy Knoll Creationism: 'More potshots at evolution.'

"Ooh, get the quantum theorist hiding behind that tree."

'I know I told you this wouldn't hurt, but, if it does, raise your trunk or something.'

The two geologists lived only a stone's throw apart.

"This is the one - we want you to pray for this one."

Report on Plagiarism - 'You've copied all this off the internet...'

"I'm not religious-just anti-science."

"Well, there's one thing that I can say about Baldo...he's an honest young man. With grades like these...there's no way he's cheating."

Research - Development - More Research

'I will not mix chemicals unless I know what they are.'

Pure Research, Somewhat Sullied Research, and Totally Craven, Profit-Driven Research.

'See here, you've no right to treat these people as human guinea pigs!'

"A culture of collaboration does not mean you can copy somebody else's answers."

Corona Crisis Team: Finally Gets Real Experts!

"We decided to hang on to the old black-and-white set for watching colorized films."

Has faith, but accepts evolution: fish with GOD witten inside.

'Your head weighs 26 pounds, same as your feet.'

'As the principal, you'd be darn sure I'd know if there were any grade inflations going on around here.'

"Yes, our students complain about spending thousands on our bogus online programs. They paid for a real world education and that's what we gave them."

'You're not going to experiment on him, are you?'