Science Shows Gifts

"When you think about it, you have to be a complete idiot not to believe aliens crashed at Roswell in 1947." "Before 1947: primitive cars, planes, and radio. After 1947: space ships, quantum computing, internet." "Let me try... Before 1947: no bikinis. After 1947: bikinis." "No, wait... The bikini was 1946. That throws this whole theory into question." "We really should have our own science show."

"I've always dreamed of being on an academic team like this! It's great that we can all depend on each other!"

We need a new eco project. Ok. Let's get locally grown food into the school cafeteria. What's our strategy? We can start with the potatoes. I'll make the poster. We want home fries.

'Tastes like cherry kool-aid, what's it do?'

'My science project is an experiment in static electricity.'

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

'Kids, today, Xerf brought in a planet that he found. Now if we look at it closely under the microscope, you can still see it's inhabitants scrambling around.'

Academic Jeopardy - "The great unknowns and cosmic uncertainties of the universe are reduced by this number daily."

Now that we've developed lungs, it's only a matter of time before we feel guilty about not exercising.

Succession 2

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

Nuclear generation of energy.

Overloaded with extracurricular activities, Griffin's body began to grow an extra brain to cope with it all.

"Mine's bigger than yours."

The Scones-Monkey Trial. I, Judge Sadie, am prepared to rule. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Intelligent design versus evolution. Borrrinnng. That is my legal finding. Appeal. Will all bipeds please rise.

Goldfish evolution - "...it's called evolution and it means in a few years we'll walk right out that door."

"Last week on 'Top Surgeon' Erica won immunity, while Carl was sent home for killing his patient during routine gallbladder surgery."

"Look, until there's a Tinder for pandas, we have to meet the old-fashioned way: being locked in a room together by scientists."

'Oh dear. My son's an evolutionary throw forward.'

'We've created a teenager!'

'What it is is a giant kidney.'

'It's a new medication I'm working on, but the side effects are monsterous.'

'This has a great ending...he shoots her.'

4-Panel: (1) 'Did you read this article on cockroaches?' (2) 'It says scientists have confirmed conditioned reflexes in cockroaches, just like Pavlov's dogs. I don't know if I believe that!' (4) 'What's for dinner?'

Franz Kafka does stand-up...

"You've got to move. The bed is needed for another TV drama."

'The little twerps have me all discombobulated -- I was supposed to start an ice age 100 years ago!'

'You see son, it's jobs like these that give us a bad name...'

"If Shakespeare were alive today, he would be driving this make of Sports Utility Vehicle."

Science Journal. Editor. Ernie, we need a headline that will interest the general public in our artificial supernovas. "Big stars involved in nasty breakups"!

"Perhaps we'd be more likely to reach an agreement if the British delegate would stop shouting 'Deal or no deal' all the time."

'Yeah, but would you want to have a beer with him.'

'If you're going to stare at that thing all day, at least watch something educational,,, like Japan,'

After Darwin - "I won't spoil it and tell you the ending."