Science Enthusiast Gifts

1715: Newton discovers gravel.

"Well, the sooner we get all this lead turned into gold, the sooner we can go home."

"The applications are limitless."

"Unfortunately, there's no cure—there's not even a race for a cure."

"My physician prescribed a customized formulation for me."

New, Improved Cat

"About your cat, Mr. Schrödinger - I have good news and bad news."

"Scientists confirmed today that everything we know about the structure of the universe is wrongedy-wrong-wrong."

"Go. Evolve. Don't worry about us."

'You're a selfish b***ard, Lewis! Those stem-cell lines were meant for people who've LOST an organ!'

Cambridge, 1953. Shortly before discovering the structure of DNA, Watson and Crick, depressed by their lack of progress, visit the local pub.

'Hey weirdo, where do you think you're going?'

E=mc2 on mountaintop.

"Gracie, just because you understand internal combustion engines...doesn't mean you can drive."

"That, believe it or not, is also a mammal."

"Very interesting professor...now do you think you could sum that up in six words or less, three of which have to be 'cancer', 'cure' and 'miracle'!"

Four olives and a toothpick on Newton's Cradle.

'My research cover two fields: the behavior of matter under high pressure, and the behavior of scientists under high pressure.'

'We've had this miracle drug for several years but marketing hasn't been able to come up with a good name.'

DNA Analysis.

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

'Excuse me, where's the nanotechnology department?' - 'You just trod on it.'

"I go home today. They cured me using this new miracle drug. I'm afraid it'll be years before it's approved for humans."

'I see you got a 74 in your chemistry final, and still you call yourself an expert witness.'

Neanderthal man's lack of curiosity doomed him to extinction.

'To be honest, I would have never invented the wheel if not for Urg's ground breaking theoretical work with the circle.'

Another successful recruitment drive for the Collins University Medical Research Center.

'I've narrowed the diagnosis down to 16 possibilities.'

Micro and Macro Department,

"At first it's, we'll try this and we'll try that. But when there's a medical break-through, guess who takes all the credit."

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

'It started with a simple case of peer review.'

'Our trials show that the new drug performs no better than placebo.'

'Human clinical trials start in six months. Sooner if we run out of mice.'

'If you increase the magnification another million times you can see the safety regulations.'